


A Midnight Visitor

by Raven_Rissa95



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Tension, Break Up, Break Up Talk, City Elf (Dragon Age) Origin, Denerim (Dragon Age), Difficult Decisions, Elf/Human Relationship(s), F/M, Feels, Ferelden (Dragon Age), Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Grey Wardens, King Alistair (Dragon Age), POV Alistair (Dragon Age), POV Third Person, Post-Break Up, Post-Dragon Age: Origins, Post-Dragon Age: Origins Quest - The Battle of Denerim, Pre-Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening, Rogue Warden (Dragon Age), Secret Relationship, Sneaking Around, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Warden Tabris (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26159035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Rissa95/pseuds/Raven_Rissa95
Summary: King Alistair has a lot on his plate. He defeated the Blight alongside the Hero of Ferelden, but now a crown sits heavy on his head. He has an entire kingdom on his shoulders, yet the worst thing is that he cannot be with the woman he loves, Warden Kallian Tabris.He hasn’t seen her in over a year, since they parted ways after the battle of Denerim, but a mysterious letter in a delicate hand informs him to expect a visitor at twelve o’clock this night.
Relationships: Alistair/Female Tabris (Dragon Age), Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Alistair/Tabris (Dragon Age), Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	A Midnight Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> In-game decisions:
> 
> \- Alistair and Morrigan performed the ritual to save both his and Kallian's lives  
> \- Alistair broke up with Kallian after she made him king before the battle of Denerim and she did not become his mistress

Alistair sat in his private study, a small room in on the far side of Denerim Castle, the only place where he could truly be alone, away from bickering advisors and fussing servants. Four walls lines with bookshelves surrounded him as he sat behind a wooden desk, scrolls containing important messages and decisions lying unread upon it. His crown had been placed in the centre of them, a heavy burden he was eager to remove. He fell back into his chair, leaning on two of its legs, fingers laced together behind his head.

_Oh, Kallian…I miss you._

 _‘The elf that got away’_ he liked to call her. Though in truth, it was _his_ fault they had parted ways. His heart ached at the thought of her. Flaming red hair braided back from her face. Green eyes that were the same as looking out at a beautiful meadow in the spring, flecked with gold like little flowers in amongst the tall grass. Pointy ears that would stick out from beneath any hat or hairstyle, no matter how hard she tried to hide them. He smiled, even as his chest tightened.

_Maker, what I wouldn’t give to have you back again_.

As much as he hated himself for it, he had _had_ to leave her. His uncle, Teagan, had reminded him that he would need a wife to make an heir. A _human_ wife. Elves held no titles in Thedas, and Kallian was a Grey Warden to boot. It was unlikely that even if they were allowed to marry, human and elf, she would be able to give him a child, due to the difficulty Grey Wardens had in reproducing. It would be hard enough for him alone to have a child. Two Grey Wardens together slashed the odds significantly. In such a weakened state, Ferelden would need a strong ruler on the throne that one could trust. He couldn’t go breaking tradition that had been set in place for centuries.

_You’d think that being King, I could do whatever I wanted. No one told me that would be a part of the job description._

He thought about that day almost every night, like this night, the black sky outside through the window dotted with white stars…

_“I’m sorry,_ ” _he told her, once they were alone in a spare bedroom in Arl Eamon’s estate, away from their companions and any prying eyes. “We can’t be together anymore.”_

_Kallian frowned as she looked up at him. “What do you mean? Why not?”_

_Although he had wanted to keep his eyes firmly on the ground to avoid looking at her, he forced himself to look her directly in the eyes as he delivered the news. “I’m king now, Kalli. I need a wife and an heir.”_

_“And I can’t give you that? That doesn’t—” She paused, realising what he meant. “Oh, because I’m an elf…and a Grey Warden. I see.”_

_“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, holding back the urge to take her into his arms. If he did that, he may take back everything he had said, and he couldn’t do that. “If there were any other way…”_

_Alistair’s chest ached as he noticed her eyes begin to well with tears—a rare sight. “I thought you said you didn’t care that I was an elf. Was that a lie?”_

_“No! Not at all! You know I meant it. I don’t care what you are. You could be a troll for all I care. I’d still love you.”_

_Kallian laughed humourlessly. “But not enough to stay with me.” She stepped back, and Alistair could sense a wall forming over her heart, something he had once encouraged her to take down. “I see. Then there is no point in talking any further.”_

_Alistair could not help himself. He stepped forward, arms open to embrace her. “Kalli, please.”_

_She put up her hand to stop him in his tracks. Her voice shook as she spoke. “We have an archdemon to kill. We’d best prepare for it.” She cleared her throat and smoothed down her blue and silver Grey Warden uniform. “I will leave you to your evening, Your Majesty.”_

_Alistair leapt in front of the doorway to the private room to block her exit. “No, Kalli, please! Don’t leave things like this! I don’t want to do this, I have to! I don’t have a choice and you know that!”_

_Kallian smiled bitterly. “That’s where you’re wrong. Everyone has a choice, and you’ve made yours. You listened to your Shem advisors and you’re casting me aside.”_

_“I’m not casting you aside,” Alistair protested. “I love you, damn it! I don’t_ want _to do this.”_

_“But you are,” she said. “You get a crown and suddenly you’re a different person. The Alistair I know wouldn’t have cared whether an entire country told him to do something, he would have done what he wanted anyway because he has a right to be happy.” She closed her eyes, her breathing heavy as her hands curled into fists. “E-Even if that happiness is with an elf.” She took several deep breaths before continuing. “All my life, I’ve been told what I am—a pathetic city elf with no place in society. I don’t fit in with the humans so they shove me in Alienage slums, and I don’t fit in with the Dalish because they’re pure and untouched by human society, so they’d cast me out before I could even ask to join them.”_

_“You have the Grey Wardens now,” he said._

_She shook her head. “No, I have—had—you. You were my place in this world where I felt at home, where I could be myself and feel like a valued person for the first time in my life. Where it didn’t matter that we were two different races. You mean so much to me, Alistair. So, for you to betray me like this—”_

_Her words were like a punch to the gut. “I am not betraying you,” he wheezed._

_Kallian scoffed at him. “When someone tells you that you’re their world and they love you with all of their heart, that they never want to be without you and that they’ll always be there for you…and then they stab you in the heart by telling you that they don’t want that anymore because they have more important things to worry about…I think that counts as betrayal, don’t you?”_

_Alistair could only stare at her, his mouth moving but no words leaving his lips. His heart dropped into his stomach, his chest feeling so tight he could barely breathe. Although her walls had regrown, he could sense a shattered heart within her chest, and eyes that pierced through him like daggers. He wanted to take it all back, to apologise, to forget it had ever happened, but what was done was done._

_“As I said, we have a Blight to end,” she said, her voice cold. “I need to ensure the preparations are underway. I will see you tomorrow on the battlefield, Your Majesty.”_

_With that, she slipped past him and left the room, leaving Alistair with a heavy heart that felt as though it may shatter into a thousand pieces at the slightest touch._

Alistair lent forward onto the desk with his elbows, his head in his hands. So much regret swirled inside of him that it made both his stomach and head ache. _I wish I had told Teagan to stuff it and asked Kallian to marry me instead._ He was the king, right? He should’ve been able to do whatever he wanted! But that was not the truth—a truth he had been blind to until a year ago, when Kallian had chosen him to be Ferelden’s ruler. The truth was that the king was perhaps the most restricted man than even the common folk. At least commoners could marry whomever they chose. They could also wear what they wanted, eat what they wanted, do what they wanted. Alistair had strict diets, boring regimes, itchy clothes, and plenty of traditions to uphold.

_What I wouldn’t give to throw the crown back at Anora that day and be a Grey Warden again, when no one knew about my heritage._

Amongst the scrolls on the desk, one letter stood out among the rest. It was worn and crinkled from how many times he had held it to read its contents over and over. The seal closing the letter, now broken, had been a griffon. _Grey Wardens_. But from whom it had been sent, he didn’t know, for there were no signatures at the bottom, although he had some idea who it might be from.

**_King Alistair Theirin,_ **

****

**_Meet me at midnight three days from now in Denerim Castle’s study in the south wing. Make sure you are alone._ **

****

**_Regards._ **

The handwriting was slight and delicate, one he was sure he had seen before back at camp when he had been recruiting the different races using Grey Warden treaties. _Kallian_. He was sure it was her dainty hand. He had seen her writing letters to her family back in the Alienage, and he was certain that the writing in the letter matched those she had written back then.

 _But why would she want to see me?_ After the battle of Denerim, she had been polite and courteous, accepting his rewards and the title of Hero of Ferelden, but once everything had been said and done, she had said goodbye to her companions and left without a trace, and he had not heard from her since. That had been a year ago. Since then, he had only heard rumours of a Grey Warden recruit with legendary skills climbing the ranks to a Commander title. He knew it was Kallian. _She killed an archdemon and lived, for the Maker’s sake._

So, since eleven o’clock that night, he had been sat in the study waiting for the mysterious stranger to arrive, his heart on his sleeve and a blade on his hip. Although he had come alone and hadn’t told anyone about the guest, he still took precautions. _It may not be her._ He chuckled to himself at the thought that he was probably setting himself up for an assassination. _Teagan would kill me…if the assassin doesn’t get me first._

It was possible. Ferelden had been divided by his rule. Some wanted Anora back on the throne, claiming that Alistair’s claim to the seat of power was false. Others were happy that a Theirin was back on the throne. It was a very tense time, and the last thing he needed was for an assassin to sneak in and try to murder him.

The sound of a window creaking startled him. He whirled round in his chair to see the window he had previously shut to stop the cold night air seeping in was now cracked open. He frowned, his hand slowly moving down to the hilt of his blade on his hip. He got to his feet and slowly edged towards the window. He threw it open and looked in every direction possible, but no one was there. _I’m spooking myself_. Closing the window, he turned to retreat to his chair, but froze as someone was sat in it.

“I see the past year hasn’t changed you at all,” said the figure with their back to him, their legs propped up on the desk like they owned it. “You’re still incredibly messy. I thought Wynne told you off enough times about that. Look at the state of these scrolls. Aren’t they important?”

Alistair’s heart stopped. _That voice_ …

The figure flicked their legs down and rose, their face covered by an oversized hood. They wore leather armour, deep blue in colour, with daggers strapped to their legs. They were short in stature, slim and agile.

“I see you can still follow instructions. My apologies for being a few minutes late,” they said, their voice light and feminine, “I had to sneak past some Mabari. They’re a lot better trained than when I last saw them. Preparing for trouble, are we?”

“K-Kallian?” Alistair stuttered.

The figure pulled down their hood, and beneath the candlelight, their face was revealed. “Of course, who else would it be? I gave you a hint with the Grey Warden seal and everything. Don’t tell me you didn’t realise it was me.” She looked a little different to when Alistair had last seen her. Her red hair was twisted into an elegant bun, proudly revealing her pointy ears. Her skin was a shade darker, kissed by the sun, and on her face were tiny scars that he was sure were not there before.

Kallian leant back against the desk. “Well, are you just going to stand there gawping at me or are you going to sit down, _Your Majesty_?” she said, and gestured to the chair.

Stunned, Alistair closed his slacked jaw and shuffled over to his seat, unable to take his eyes off her. _She’s here. Kallian is here._ She slipped round to the other side of the desk and perched herself on the edge, her arms folded as she admired the room.

“H-How did you get in here?” Alistair managed to say.

“I’m a rogue,” she said, as if that was the only explanation needed.

Silence fell between them. Alistair pinched himself. The pain in his thigh told him this was not a dream. _Kallian is here, sitting on my desk in my castle…_ “Why did you come?” he asked.

Kallian pursed her lips. “I’m not entirely sure,” she said, not looking at him. “I suppose I was curious about how my selection for Ferelden ruler was getting on. I wanted to see if I’d made the right choice.”

“Is that it? You just wanted to check in on my progress?” The shock that had left him stunned melted away, and in its place, anger took root. “Are you kidding me?” he said, voice raising. “You came all this way, just to see if you chose right? We’ve not spoken in over a year and that’s what you come here for?”

The elf sighed, still not looking at him, despite his angry glare directed towards her. “Look, I just…I wanted to see if…” She scraped loose wisps of hair out of her face. “I’m not sure why, but I felt the urge to come here. I can’t explain it, I just…wanted to.”

“But why?” Alistair demanded. “Why would you bother coming back here when you’ve rejected all of my attempts to contact you?”

“Will you keep your voice down?” she hissed. “I’d rather not be discovered by your guards.” She hopped off the desk and wandered about the room, her gloved fingers running along the spines on the bookshelves. “Rumour has it, not everyone is happy with you on the throne. There’s talk of rebellions.”

“How would you know that?”

She shrugged. “Grey Warden-Commanders tend to hear quite a bit you know.”

Alistair rolled his eyes. “Yes, throw it in my face that you’re still a Warden why don’t you,” he muttered under his breath. “But yes, there have been…incidents. Is that why you’re here?”

“No. That’s of no concern to me.”

Alistair gritted his teeth in frustration. “You’re starting to irritate me with your vague answers. Just get to the point, Kallian. Tell me what you came for.”

She hesitated. “I came to see if you…to see how you were. I was curious.” Eventually, she perched herself on the back of the chair opposite him and put her feet up on the seat. “In truth… I regret not saying goodbye before I left for the Wardens. That was wrong of me, especially after everything you did for my people in Denerim. I never thanked you for that.”

“Well, you did,” he said, bitterly. “You left me without a trace, without any word on whether you were okay or if you were getting on all right with the Order. You just…left, and I never heard from you again.”

“I didn’t think you would’ve wanted to see me anyway,” she said, fiddling with one of the daggers strapped to her legs. “You left me, remember? Not the other way around.”

Old wounds began to open, a tightness forming in his chest. “That didn’t mean I stopped caring about you. I still loved you, and it broke me to see you leave without saying goodbye.”

“I thought you would have wanted me out of your sight immediately, so you could concentrate on that wife you sorely needed.” She looked at him with piercing eyes. “Any luck finding one?”

“No,” he replied through gritted teeth. “I haven’t looked.”

Kallian raised her brow. “Oh? I thought that was something a kingdom needed. An heir to take your place should something happen to you. It was at the top of your priority list when you decided to end things. Why haven’t you found anyone yet? Not being overly picky, are you?”

“Because I st—” He stopped himself before he could blurt out the truth. “That’s none of your business. Don’t you have some important Grey Warden business to be getting on with instead of bringing up the past like this?”

“I’m heading to Amaranthine soon. As Warden-Commander of Ferelden, I have to inspect our base there and see how it’s growing. Routine stuff, it’ll be over in a week or so, I’m sure. Nothing too exciting.”

“I’m sure it’s far more exciting than my job,” he said, slouching in his chair. “At least you get to see some action every now and then. I’m itching for some.”

“Is that why you have your sword on your belt?”

Alistair laughed. “No, I wore it because I thought an assassin might sneak in and try to kill me.”

“You’re lucky I’m not an assassin then. You’d have been dead the second you left that chair to inspect the window. An easy bait, to kill a king with his back turned. If you somehow survived, you’d have never seen the perpetrator.”

“I forgot how silent you are,” he said nervously, scratching the back of his head.

“As I said, I’m a rogue, which most assassins are. Remember Zevran?”

“If I remember rightly, he was the worst assassin we’d ever come across.”

“He underestimated us, true, but if he’d wanted us dead, he could’ve slit our throats in the night at camp should he have wished it. Yet, he didn’t. It’s not about how talented you are with a knife. It’s other skills too, like charm and deception.” She pulled out a blade from her leg harness. “I could kill you right here and now if I wanted, and I’d be gone before the sun rose, without a trace.”

Alistair swallowed. “Is that what you want?”

Kallian snorted. “No. I kill darkspawn and those who knowingly cause pain and suffering to others. I don’t kill people for money like Zev does—well, he used to. I believe he’s on the run from the Crows for abandoning them.”

“People change it seems.”

“But you haven’t,” she noted. “You look no different from a year ago. Except your eyes. They tell a different story. You look tired.”

Alistair let slip a small smile. “You could always see through me,” he said quietly. “Yes, I’m tired. Being a king is extremely draining. It may not be the same as fighting in deadly battles, but it’s so much stress and pressure. At least you can take out your feelings on darkspawn. Me, I have to swallow it all and keep a straight face for visiting officials and look tough.”

Kallian leaned forward and plucked the crown off the desk between them, studying it in her hands. The gold metal glinted in the candlelight. “It’s a heavy burden,” she said. “Do you wish I’d chosen Anora instead?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “But I know if I didn’t pick up the mantle, she’d have let Loghain live and I’d probably end up in a gutter somewhere in case I decided to make a claim on her throne.”

“I hear you’ve been a great help in getting Ferelden back on track after the Blight though,” she said, to his surprise. “People have said you’re a youthful and jovial king, but one who has his head on straight and wants to do the best for his people. That’s got to count for something.”

Alistair frowned. “I…I didn’t know that.”

“Give yourself some credit,” she said, putting the crown back down. “Teagan should be giving you encouragement and praise in amongst scolding. That’s what a good advisor should do. Let you know when you’ve made mistakes, but also praise you for doing well.”

“Is that what you do?” he asked. “As a Commander? I know it’s not the same as being a king.”

“I have people beneath me now, yes, so I understand your problem a little. It’s difficult when people look up to you and you have to act as this golden girl that saved the world when really you’re an anxious ball inside and you have no clue what you’re doing.”

“That’s exactly how I feel…except the girl part.”

Kallian laughed gently. “Well, I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humour. I’m sure your new wife, whoever she is, will find it endearing as…as I did.”

Alistair swallowed again, looking away. “Do you know why I’ve refused to find a wife yet?” he asked.

“I’ve no clue,” Kallian replied. “Why? Do tell.”

“I…ah…I never…” he cleared his throat awkwardly, still unable to look at her. “I still wanted you. None of them compared to…to you.”

Kallian jerked her head back in surprise. “What?”

Alistair sighed. “Well, it’s out in the open now, isn’t it? Might as well say it.” He rose from his chair, too jittery to sit any longer, and leant his elbows against its back. “I was still in love with you—I am, I mean. I am still…very much…in love with…you.” He cleared his throat again. “Well! This was far more awkward than I planned. I didn’t see things going this way tonight! I think I would’ve preferred a visit from an assassin.”

Kallian said nothing. Eventually, he forced himself to look at her. She was staring at him with wide eyes, a flush across her pale cheeks. “You still…”

“I still love you, yes.”

Kallian hid her face in her hands. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay,” he said, “you don’t need to say anything. I assume you’ve moved on by now. I know you and Zevran were pretty close. Perhaps you still are? The Crow always used to tease me about how you’d look at him, how you’d exchange flirtatious glances and I’d be left standing there like an idiot thinking I’m going to lose you to a smug bastard like that and I—” He quickly put a stop to his rant. “I mean…yeah, you don’t need to say anything.”

Kallian removed her hands from her face. “Zev and I were never anything more than friends,” she said, confused. “He flirted with me, yes, but it was only jokingly. He never crossed the line or expected me to reciprocate because I was in love with you and he knew that. I think that’s the only way he knew how to make friends, because of his time in the whore houses in Antiva. We’re still friends now, yes, but nothing more.”

“Oh. Right. Well. Ahem.” A flush spread across his own cheeks. “How embarrassing,” he mumbled.

She smiled at him, a sight that made his heart ache. “I never knew that about you and Zev,” she said.

“Well, I didn’t like the idea of you leaving me for someone else. I still don’t. I’m sure you have and that’s my problem to deal with, but—”

“I’m not with anyone,” she said quickly. “I haven’t exactly moved on from you either, you know.”

Her words made his heart clench. “Seriously? You still love me too?”

She laughed. “Of course I do, you idiot. Why would I bother coming here otherwise? I wanted to see if you’d found someone else. If you’d achieved the life you left me for. I was puzzled to hear that you hadn’t married in the year we’ve been apart, and I had to know why. I thought perhaps you lied about why you ended things. That it wasn’t about finding a human wife at all. Perhaps I did something wrong, or something I said offended you and put you off. Or maybe you just didn’t want an elf anymore. I don’t know.”

Alistair walked around to her side of the desk and leant against it beside her. “No, that’s not true at all. I loved you then, and I still do now. That day was one of the worst days of my life. Breaking things off with you broke me. It took everything I had not to throw myself into the archdemon’s jaws and let it kill me after what I did. You did nothing to upset me, and you did nothing to offend me. Teagan convinced me that I couldn’t be seen with an elf as a wife because it would break all Ferelden customs and traditions, and Ferelden needed a strong and traditional leader to guide her out of the depths of the Blight. Plus…you know…two Wardens can’t exactly have children that easily and I need someone who can guarantee the continuation of my name, for security.”

“So, you meant what you said back then,” she said, chewing on her lip. “You were telling the truth?”

“I would never lie to you.”

“Teagan really convinced you to end things. Huh. I suppose I could see where he was coming from. I’m at peace with it now. I’m an elf, part of a race that always struggles to have anything fairly in life. I’m extremely lucky for the bit of power I have that comes with being a Warden-Commander. Without the uniform to back it up though, I’m just an elf, like every other city elf out there.” She sighed wearily, her head in her hands.

Alistair smiled softly. “I’m glad your situation has improved. I just want the best for you.”

“And I you.” She held her hand out to him. “I’m sorry for any pain I caused you. I’d like us to start over.”

His smile grew, and he took her hand between both of his. “Of course.”

“Good,” she said, returning his smile.

Alistair did not let go of her hand. “It’s good to see you, Kallian. I honestly thought I’d never see your face again.”

“I’m the Commander of the Ferelden Wardens,” she replied, “I would’ve met you again eventually, if a darkspawn hadn’t chewed my head off before then. As king, it’s your responsibility to decide whether we’re allowed to operate in your country.”

“With a leader like you, I doubt I’d have a reason to banish you.”

“I’ll try not to give you a reason,” she joked. Kallian looked down at her hand in his. “Umm…you’re still…”

He knew he should let go, but something within him refused to. “I’m scared,” he whispered. “If I let go, this moment will end and you’ll be gone again.”

Her other hand rested on top of his. “I’m not going anywhere for the moment,” she assured him. “I won’t disappear.”

Hesitantly, he let go. “So…ah…are you hungry? Thirsty? I could send for something from the kitchens and you can tell me what you’ve been up to this past year. I have people to do that for me now. Minions at my beck and call that will do anything I ask—well, mostly anything I ask. I once asked them to dance their silliest dance for me over dinner once for some entertainment. They kept dancing and wouldn’t stop until I told them to. Of course, I forgot to tell them to stop and they kept going long after I was finished with my meal and they passed out. I try not to ask them to do anything other than fetch me food now.”

Kallian giggled, a light and musical sound that Alistair had not realised he had missed so much. It brought another smile to his face. “Of course, you would abuse your power like that! That poor servant!”

“I gave him a week off to say sorry! He’s okay now. He just flinches every time I gesture for him to do something for me.”

She shook her head at him. “Oh, Alistair, you’re so silly sometimes.”

He smirked. “Yet you made this silly man king of a nation.”

“I did, didn’t I,” she said, smiling too. “Well, I wouldn’t say no to some food. I haven’t eaten since I left camp to come here a few hours ago.”

Alistair slipped out of the room and ordered for a servant to bring him some food and drink, although he left out the part where it was for two people. He simply told them he was very hungry and thirsty. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Kallian squashed herself between two bookcases out of sight, and a servant placed a mini feast on the desk, as well as a large bottle of wine.

Once the servant had gone, he gestured for Kallian to come out of her hiding place. “You’re so tiny. There’s no way I could fit in between there.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re getting bigger after eating all this luxurious food,” she teased, eyeing up the food. A cob of bread, grapes, cheeses, and sugar cookies. “Us Wardens only eat the food that will keep us fit and fighting.”

“How boring. See, that’s why I couldn’t wait to leave the Order and become a king. The food’s much better.”

Kallian laughed again. “You really haven’t changed a bit.”

Alistair scooped up the food and placed it on a side table in between two plush armchairs at the back of the room, in front of a crackling fire inside a carved stone fireplace. As they sat down and enjoyed their food, Kallian told Alistair what she had been up to since they had last seen each other. “Well,” she began, popping a grape in her mouth, “I went to Amaranthine to help them set up and clear out the Howes' things, then I was summoned by a Warden in Weisshaupt to meet them in Orlais, and I told him what had happened and how we both defeated the Blight. They were worried about our standing in Ferelden after what Loghain did, but I assured them we were fine, especially with a Grey Warden on the throne. They took me to Weisshaupt and taught me a few things about the Order and what being a Grey Warden means, since I didn’t have long to learn anything after joining. They also commended me for my actions, and promoted me to Commander of the Grey in Ferelden. I’ve been tasked with ensuring our reputation isn’t tarnished in Ferelden, to get it back on track after Loghain slaughtered most of us and slandered our name. As I said earlier, I have to travel to Amaranthine soon to check up on things there. Hopefully it’s ready to become a proper base, and we can start recruiting again to build up our numbers.”

Alistair listened intently, forgetting to eat anything, barely managing to take small sips of his red wine from the cup he nestled in between his hands. He simply stared at her, unable to look away from the beautiful elf before him, his heart torn between doing somersaults and aching. She looked perfect beside the fire, the light dancing across her face, making her almond eyes glint like cat eyes. After a while, he realised he hadn’t said anything. “Oh, right! Sounds like you’ve had your hands full!” he blurted.

“I really have. I haven’t rested since I left Denerim, but I’m glad I’m able to help the Order in some way. They didn’t reject me like most people do. They embraced me. They didn’t even take notice of the fact that I was an elf, especially when I was promoted. Humans, dwarves…they treat me with respect. It’s crazy.”

“It’s how you should be treated,” he replied. “I’ve done my best to try and ease the tensions between humans and elves here in Denerim. Shiani, your cousin, has helped with that tremendously.”

“I’m glad you kept your promise about that,” she said. “It makes me happy to know you genuinely care about the other races. That’s what makes you a good king. It’s not just humans that live in your country. Dwarves and elves do too.”

“They still live in the Alienage, unfortunately,” he admitted, “I can’t do much about that, but I’ve improved their conditions significantly.”

“I know,” she said. “I took a peek before I came here to see you. The houses are made of stone, not flimsy wood, it’s not dirty and grubby anymore, and the people look well fed, not starving.”

“I’m glad you could see the improvement, since…since I did it all for you.”

Kallian stopped eating, putting down her plate. She looked at him with large, loving eyes—eyes he had not seen in over a year that made his heart do a little flip in his chest. “Thank you,” she said. They locked eyes for a moment, before Kallian blushed and quickly looked away. “Well, I’m glad to see things are good here. It’s getting rather late. I’m sure you’re very busy. I should go—” She rose to her feet, forgetting about the plate of food, and it tumbled to the floor. “Oh! I’m sorry!” She knelt down to clean it up.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it.” He knelt down too, helping her to scoop up the bits and pieces that scattered from her plate. They both reached for a piece of bread crust, and he accidentally brushed her hand. “Oh, sorry,” he mumbled, face flushing again for what seemed like the tenth time that night.

He looked up at the same time she did, and their eyes met again. They were so close now, only inches away from each other, kneeling on the carpet beside the fireplace. Kallian’s eyes became wet and shiny. “I-I’ve missed you,” she said, not looking away this time.

Alistair’s body reacted before he could think. His hand reached up and cupped her face. “I missed you too,” he said. “I think about you almost every day.”

She smiled, a tear escaping down her cheek. “I think about you a lot too,” she said. She reached out and placed a hand on his chest, directly over his heart. He placed his free hand over hers, sealing it in place.

“I think I’ll always love you,” he admitted. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try to look at another woman…they aren’t you. They aren’t…my Kallian.”

“Do you still want me to be…y-your Kallian?” she asked, her voice breaking.

“I do,” he said, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. “I know I can’t have you, but I want you still. You’re all I could want and it pains me to know that I can’t have you.”

“If I were human, perhaps things could be different.”

“Then you wouldn’t be _you_. The feisty elven girl I fell in love with over a year ago.”

Kallian’s smile widened. “Sometimes, I wish I’d chosen Anora instead of you,” she revealed. “Then you would still be a Warden with me and maybe things would be different, but I know that wouldn’t work. Anora wouldn’t leave you be. She’d only settle for your death.”

“Or she’d have to marry me, and that would be _incredibly_ awkward. Marrying my half-brother’s ex-wife? No thank you.”

They stayed like that for a while, close together, breathing in each other. She smelled like metal and leather, with a hint of freshly cut grass. The scent was familiar to him, his muscles automatically relaxing as he breathed her in. “Can I hold you?” he asked. She nodded. He embraced her immediately, his arms closing around her small frame. She was almost child-like against him, so small and slight, but that was misleading. She was deadlier than she looked. He had seen her in action, he would know.

Kallian fell into him, her arms wrapping around his waist, head resting against his chest beneath his chin. It felt right, holding her like this in his arms. His eyes stung with hot tears and he quickly squeezed them shut. His sniffle alerted Kallian, however, and she pulled back to look at him. “Oh, Alistair,” she said softly, and reached up to wipe his tears away. She removed her gloves, and her warm, dainty hands caressed his face, her thumbs clearing the tears. She leaned in close and kissed his cheek. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I feel like this is all my fault. If I’d just rejected your feelings back then, we may have avoided this whole scandal. If I’d just stayed strong and not allowed you to break down my walls, perhaps we could’ve—”

“Don’t say that,” he cut in, stopping her. “Don’t say you shouldn’t have opened up to me. You loving me has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, Kallian. Loving you and you loving me, it’s painful I’ll admit, but it’s also wonderful. You’ve been there for me in my darkest moments. You’ve kept me sane, made me smile, listened to me babble on about random things.” He pulled her against him again, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I love you, Kallian Tabris, and I always will, no matter what.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to try to stop loving me?”

He moved so he could sit beside her on the carpet. “Who said I wanted the easy way out?” he teased. His heart began to race a mile a minute when he realised how close they were still. Something within Alistair drew him towards her, closer and closer, like a moth to a flame. “Hey…uh…I’m going to do something which may or may not be incredibly stupid, but I really, _really_ , want to.” He took a moment to look at her pretty, freckled face, before he held her face in his hands and pulled her lips to his.

She jumped at his advance, and for a moment, Alistair thought she was going to pull away, but she kissed him back, softly. The spark of their love that sat deep within him, dormant, suddenly ignited, and he laid down on the floor beside the crackling fire, pulling her on top of him, never breaking their kiss.

She moaned softly into his mouth, and he tightened his grip on her waist, sliding one hand up to her cheek again, cupping it in his hand. She straddled him as he sat up, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, one hand gripping his furred leathers, the other in his hair, fingers gently scraping his scalp. Sensations he had not felt in over a year almost overwhelmed him. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the taste of her on his tongue, her smell in his nose. Everything about it felt like a dream, like they had been transported back to during the Blight, when they had kissed for the first time beside the campfire one evening. It felt like the first time all over again, sparks flying and tensions building. Their touches became urgent, more desperate. Their breathing grew heavy and ragged, the sounds from their lips growing louder.

Kallian pulled back, pausing to catch her breath. “W-Wait,” she said shakily. “Should we be doing this?”

Alistair pulled her in for another kiss. “Does it matter?” he asked. “I’ve missed you. I’ve wanted you for so long and you’re _here_ , in my arms with me…but we can stop if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t _want_ to stop,” she said, “but you said it yourself, we can’t be together. It would be too painful to do this once more only to have to put a stop to it ever happening again.” She ran a hand through his golden hair. “I want you, Alistair Theirin. I haven’t stopped loving you, but I don’t want my heart broken all over again. I don’t think I could handle it.”

He closed his eyes, bringing his forehead to hers again. “Is it selfish of me to want this to continue without telling anyone? Now I have you here, I don’t want to let you go again.”

Kallian frowned. “You mean, start our relationship again, but in secret?” She shook her head and climbed off of him, sitting on the floor beside him. “I don’t want to be your mistress, Alistair,” she said sternly. “I’m not some girl you can secretly have on the side whilst marrying another woman. I can’t do that. It was bad enough allowing Morrigan to—”

“ _Okay_ please don’t bring that up!” he said quickly with a shudder. “It’s a night I’d rather forget and I’d happily pushed it out of my memory until now.” He pulled himself upright to face her. “I wasn’t suggesting that you be my mistress.”

“Well, what then?” she asked, exasperated. “We can’t be together, can we? We can’t be in a relationship because you’re supposed to marry some human noble who can give you a child and secure your line.” Her eyes welled up again. “It’s impossible. I fell in love with a man I can’t be with. Why is life so cruel?”

Alistair opened his legs and pulled her between them, holding her close. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’m sorry we cause so much pain for each other.”

She curled up in his arms, feeling frail and tiny. “I feel like we’ve been transported back in time,” she said, “back to the day you told me we couldn’t be together anymore.”

He squeezed her tight. “Another day I’ve tried to forget.”

“What are we going to do, Al?” she said.

He sighed heavily. “I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want you walking out that door—or window, or however you sneaked in here—when we’re on bad terms again. The past year has been painful, and I don’t want you to leave me again without a proper goodbye.”

“Can we at least be friends?” she asked.

“Of course. We’ll always be friends. We were friends before we got together, and we’ll remain friends no matter what happens. But friends don’t ignore their friends’ letters that they send, so you’ll have to work on that,” he said, prising another giggle out of her. “I honestly don’t know what to do, Kalli. I want you more than anything. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and a year apart hasn’t changed my feelings, but I don’t know what to do. I want you to stay with me, for you to be the secret love of my life that I hide from the world, but I know that’s unfair. It’s not fair on you or whoever I end up marrying.”

“Whoever they are, they’re extremely lucky,” she said.

“I wish it could have been you,” he whispered. “If I could have, I would have asked you to marry me before the battle of Denerim. I was thinking about it too, and I believe Teagan knew that, which was why he decided to remind me of Ferelden traditions and laws around inter-race marriage before I even got a chance to act.” He squeezed her tight again. “Maybe in time, things will change. The world might catch up to us, and allow the Ferelden King to marry whomever he chooses.”

“But you’ll be married by that time, right?”

Alistair scoffed. “I’ve delayed finding anyone for over a year, I’m sure I could delay my marriage indefinitely if I wanted to. My advisors can argue with me about whether something will happen to me and if I die without an heir, but they can’t rule my heart. My heart chooses you, and no matter what happens, it will always belong to you. I’m the king, for Andraste’s sake. You’d think I’d be able to have some power over my own life.”

“Life is unfair to all of us, it seems.”

Alistair rested his head on her shoulder. “Just, allow me this night, please?” he asked, almost pleading. “Allow me to feel you like this against me once more, if never again.”

Kallian wrapped her arms around his waist as she breathed in deeply. “Okay,” she said, obliging him.

“Stay with me tonight, and tomorrow you can go back to being Warden-Commander of Ferelden, and I’ll go back to being its king, but we’ll both have this night that we can treasure in our memory.” He pulled her chin up towards him with two fingers, and pressed his lips against hers. “I love you, Kalli.”

“I love you too, Al.”


End file.
